She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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