I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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