I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
