two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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