dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I forget how to act sober
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
