They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
