the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
