I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
