He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
