Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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