One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am available for nakedness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
