where does the pee come out of this thing
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
