Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
