8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
