i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
