It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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