Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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