they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
