i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize