he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
