just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
