True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
