Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
