No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
