So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize