Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
