It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
