Will you blow on my dice?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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