There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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