I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
