So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
