Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
