I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize