remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
