my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
