I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
