i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
