My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
