Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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