Don't make out with my wife yet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize