You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
