every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
