I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
