Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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