He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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