I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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