why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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