So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
