I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
