We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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