Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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