we're blogging at a bar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
