and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
