He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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