that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize