craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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