i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
