you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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