Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
