Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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