i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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