i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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