yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
