my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize