Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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