Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
