You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
