i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
