Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
