I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
