dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
