How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
