You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
