Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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