: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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