I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
