Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
