youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
