ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
