Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
