i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
