So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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