I want you more than these girls want KFC
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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