Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
