Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
