Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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