4 words: hood of his car
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
