We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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