so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
