I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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