Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
