dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
