I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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