i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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