Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
