do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
