Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
