My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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