Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
