My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
