I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
