maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
