You smell like stripper and shame
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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