I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just puked most of my soul out..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
