do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize