i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
