I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
